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How upbringing can change your life ?

Your childhood experiences, the environments you were exposed to, and the way your parents and other people related to you have all shaped your path through life. In the article we’re going to look specifically at how your self-esteem, self-control, and social skills as a child have contributed to who you are today.

Self-esteem is the belief that you can achieve whatever it is you set out to do. If you have high self-esteem, you think that nothing will derail you; if your self-esteem is low, you will be riddled with anxiety about your capabilities. Self-esteem is relatively fragile in childhood, meaning that it can be built or undermined quite significantly by people or events, and the effect can remain with you into adulthood. 
Research shows that if you were lucky enough to have high self-esteem as a child, it will have had a positive impact on your income as an adult. It will also have helped build better mental health,which is the foundation not only to living a happy life, but also to fulfilling your potential. However, if you reflect on your early life and see a child riddled with self-doubt, that doesn’t mean you can’t succeed or become more confident in your abilities as an adult. It’s never too late to bolster your self-esteem and have more optimism in your ability to achieve your goals, whatever they may be. Simply being able to pinpoint events or people that knocked or built your self-esteem as a child will help you overcome obstacles that had a negative effect, and reap further benefits from things that had a positive impact on you.  
Think about the following questions, and if it helps take some notes (you’ll be using these to help you create your story line later in the session). Don’t worry if you can’t answer them right now, just move on to the next section and come back if anything springs to mind: 
  • How much self-esteem did you have as a child? Were you self-confident? For instance, did you throw yourself headlong into activities or hold back?  
  • Why was that?
  • How do you think this relates to your self-confidence now? Is there anything that really helped build your self-esteem as a child that you could build on? Was there anything that held you back that still affects the way you see the world today?  
How much self-control, or as I prefer to call it self-management, you had as a child is also a strong predictor of how things turn out for you as an adult. Being able to manage your  emotions and overcome short-term wants and needs is a critical life skill that you begin to develop as a child. If you look back at yourself and see a child who was able to exert some level of management over their emotions, that ability will have positively influenced your overall life satisfaction, well-being, income, and even job prospects.
Studies have shown that being given responsibilities as a child or a young adolescent—for example, being expected to assist with household chores or having a part-time job—helps to build self-discipline. Although it’s by no means a prerequisite, many of the successful people I see did contribute to family duties or had a part-time job as a youngster.  
Perhaps you feel like you are self-disciplined in spite of not having had responsibility as a child? It’s worth exploring where that came from. One possibility is your mother’s parenting style. If your mother was more hands off and relaxed in her approach, research suggests that you will have a better level of self-control as an adult. 
We all have a degree of self-management, but understanding your own level and how it developed is a useful starting point to build from. However much self-control you have, it needs constant practice and refinement to maintain your skills in this area.  
Mindfulness is a helpful tool in building self-management. Look in the Bibliography for some resources.
Think about the following questions, and if it helps take some notes. Don’t worry if you can’t answer them right now, just move on to the next section and come back if anything springs to mind: 
  • What was your self-management like as a child? Did you stomp about or lash out when you were angry or upset, or were you able to manage your emotions?  
  • Did your parents help you to understand your emotions and how to deal with them, or have you come to this understanding later in life? How do you think that has affected you? 
  • Did you have responsibilities as a child? Do you think that helped you understand how to manage your emotions and prioritize your time?  
  • If you didn’t have responsibilities as a child, do you feel like you are self-disciplined now? Do you think your parents influenced that or something else in your environment, like a teacher or the school routine? 
  • How can you build on any of these observations to help you as an adult?  
Your environment when you were growing up also influenced the development of your social skills. These include a wide range of characteristics (e.g., empathy, kindness, and cooperativeness), but in a broader sense they refer to your interpersonal effectiveness and ability to forge friendships. Research shows that the social skills you developed as a child have an effect on your satisfaction with life, well-being, and mental health. Social skills are a critical foundation to being able to fulfill your potential and be successful. They are at the heart of all daily interactions, from deal making and engaging stakeholders to getting people to buy in to whatever it is you set out to achieve. 

When it comes to family influences on your social skills, research shows that if you had a close relationship with your father, you’re more likely to develop better relationships as an adult. If your mother left you to your own devices, you’re likely to be more effective at dealing with other people, whereas if you had a more demanding or critical mother, it may have had a negative impact on your ability to relate to others.The research has been carried out on these particular relationships, but most likely can be extrapolated to other situations too.
It’s important to point out that this is not about blaming your parents: most parents want the best for their child and that’s more likely than not to have been the case for you. Exploring how your parents influenced you is more about understanding yourself and the major influences on you than it is about pointing the finger at anyone. Just like everyone else, parents have their own complex life situations to deal with.
Although interpersonal skills are in part genetically influenced, they are modified by who we interact with and the situations we are exposed to, and this modification continues to happen throughout life. While profiling, I’ve heard many stories of social skills altering as people grow up, such as those who were incredibly shy as children becoming outgoing as adults. If your interpersonal skills are not as fine-tuned as you’d like, don’t worry, this is something you can work on. It is worth investing time to think through when and how you developed your skills in order to build on what has worked, and to overcome or accept and move on from what hasn’t worked for you.
Think about the following questions, and if it helps take some notes. Don’t worry if you can’t answer them right now, just move on to the next section and come back if anything comes to mind: 
  • What was your relationship with each of your parents (i.e., mother, father) or significant figures in your childhood?  
  • Was there anything that helped you become more sociable as a child that you could build on now? 
Although being passionate about something isn’t in itself enough to guarantee success, without a real interest in what you do it’s very difficult to stay motivated and be sufficiently driven to push through the highs and lows. Your childhood offers insight into what really drives and engages you and what you are deeply passionate about. Exploring your early years may remind you of interests you’ve long forgotten about and could usefully reignite. It may also help you to understand where you’ve taken the wrong path and how you could correct that.  
One of the most helpful ways of looking at your passions and interests is through the lens of motivation. There are two basic types of motivation, one that is external to us and one that is internal.

Extrinsic motivation means being driven by something from the outside, for instance working toward a goal, or avoiding failure through fear of disappointing others. What led to your choices about the classes you took at school, whether you pursued higher education, or your first job? How much were you influenced by not wanting to let your parents down or living up to family expectations rather than following your own interests? There’s nothing wrong or right about how this came about, it’s just helpful to understand what might be driving you now.  

Intrinsic motivation, or being internally motivated, is about loving an activity for its own sake, finding it exciting and engaging. It relates to the things that you have the energy for and want to pursue without any external rewards (e.g., money or recognition) and also to punishments or things you feel a need to move away from because they are less pleasant.

The people I meet as a psychologist often have a good deal of intrinsic motivation. They have a passion for what they do and see the meaning in it. Without this it becomes very hard to keep going over a sustained period of time. For example, some of the people I work with are motivated by external rewards: the potential to earn a lot of money, social recognition, status. They don’t love what they do, or have a burning interest in the industry itself. This makes their work really draining and can lead to burnout. Constantly being driven by extrinsic goals alone is not healthy. Ideally, you need both internal and external motivation to keep following your true passions while remaining connected to the world around you.  

Research demonstrates that our folks' desires affect the vocation way we take and what we accomplish, paying little respect to their own childhood or income.Studies likewise uncover that adolescents frequently decided to emulate their folks' example, regardless of whether as a business person, shop partner, committee laborer, entrepreneur, or specialist, and those whose guardians are in "top occupations" are more probable wind up in such a job.What guardians think their kid is keen on and prepared to do likewise unequivocally impacts a youngster's decisions and the moves they make toward seeking after a particular profession. What is basic here is that guardians best aims can lead youngsters off track. For instance, on the off chance that they think their kid is enthusiastic about numbers so support them toward a vocation in bookkeeping, however the tyke very worshiped show, at that point the tyke may pass up seeking after their genuine dream. On the off chance that you investigate your initial life and reason that you were driven fundamentally by your folks' desires as opposed to your own, that acknowledgment might be sufficient for you to take proprietorship and control of how you push ahead.

School can also have a strong influence. For example, a highly academic, high-achieving school can put strong pressure on its pupils to continue to the best universities and pursue what society deems to be the top jobs. Conversely, a large school struggling for resources may not support children’s individual passions, meaning they never have the opportunity to explore and fulfill their potential.  


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